2013-01-09 Signs of Life: Snape’s Birthday Challenge

17 Jul

Title: Signs of LIfe
Team: Death Eaters
Rating: PG
Category: Drama
Pairing: SSHG (implied)
Length 7 X 100
Summary: Signals and signs cannot be ignored…
I make no money on these pieces. This is unbeta’d, so please don’t blame Jules.


He sees darkness.

He sees black corners and grey staircases; mists that drag at his cloak like a begging child, and he thinks to himself,  is this death? Is this the hell to which I’ve resigned myself?

Tastes in his mouth like slick ash, and he wants to retch and he feels the tearing, searing pain of fighting. Fighting for a life he had all but given up on, but now seems as important as it was always meant to be in the first place.

He has to save it; it’s the only one he has, and it’s precious.

At first, he hears strange, distorted sounds, like voices in a well, and he wishes they would just be quiet! for one moment so he can think straight, but thinking straight has ceased to be a valuable commodity. The sounds are like music being played underwater, and they are in turn welcoming and frightening, and he can’t tell the difference or why he should care.

All that matters is that, while he can still hear them, it means that he is still alive.

Don’t let me die, please.

“You won’t,” says a voice. And he weeps, afraid to believe it.


When he was ten, Lily made him a daisy chain, and he wore it around his neck until it fell apart. He hid it from Ma and Da; her because she would make him take it off, and him because he would tear it off. He hides his fear from The Voice, in case it tells him that he needs to accept he’s dying.

He wore the daisies until they shed all over his pillow. He still hid them.

I’m afraid.

“Shh. It’s okay. You’re not alone.”

He is afraid when the chain disintegrates, his fading body will join it.


On that last day, he buttoned up his coat slowly, chanting under his breath every defensive spell he’d ever known. The buttonholes were narrow, clogged with protection; his clothing was stiff with it. Blood ran off his shirt like water off a duck’s back; it was still white when they found him.

Am I alive?

“And you will be for a very long time. Open your eyes.”

The soft touch of a hand on his face makes him shudder. A voice, a scent of pears, a cool sip of water, a shadowy face full of care floats in his vision.


His days are quiet; he has learned to stare at one singular curl for hours and has found the answers to the cosmos within its cuticles. There is a price for tranquility, but he paid it long ago. Now, he is content to breathe and see and feel peace.

His companion is as quiet as she once was vociferous; she says it’s unseemly to talk when he’s determined to remain silent. Sometimes she writes messages on his palm, using the tip of her finger. He shivers at the contact. If you’ll start talking again, she says, I’ll stop tickling you.


Days go by; he speaks like a rusted hinge, but it is  sound vibrated through vocal chords. To her it is music of the angels. She stops writing her love letters on his palm, and writes them instead on his heart.

She has aged; he stayed surprisingly young.

“Do you love me?” she asks. He writes yes  on her palm with his finger.

“Why don’t you say it out loud?”

“I’m afraid someone will find my daisy chain.”

She writes OK  on his palm. “If I stopped tickling you, would you stop loving me?”

No, he writes. “Never,” he says.

Shh, he whispers to his child. Mummy’s napping.

Writes You have a new brother  on her palm.

Shh, he whispers to his daughter.  He wasn’t good enough for you.

Writes don’t cry  on her palm.

Shh, he whispers to his son.  Don’t let your mother find out.

Writes Prat  on his palm.

Shh, he whispers to his wife. We had to let her go someday.

Writes She’s a beautiful bride  on her palm.

Shh, he whispers to his love. Just a little separation.

Writes I love you  on her palm.

Writes it over and over, until his finger stops moving.


Posted by on July 17, 2014 in Favourites, GrangerSnape100


Tags: , , ,

6 responses to “2013-01-09 Signs of Life: Snape’s Birthday Challenge

  1. mywitch

    December 17, 2015 at 6:10 pm

    Please tell me that this story exists on other websites where many, many, many people have read it and loved it and told you how beautiful it is. I am, once again, stunned, Lady Writerpants. This is so fucking good I want to scream. Or bite a kitten. Or go to bed and cry. Not sure which.

  2. Teddy Raye

    December 17, 2015 at 6:14 pm

    It is on the LJ GrangerSnape100 community and here. It was well-received, but I think you have been the most generous commenter. I really appreciate your lovely words! ❤

  3. Theresa Cullen

    December 18, 2015 at 5:39 pm

    Perfect. Another place to stalk you. 🙂

    • Teddy Raye

      December 18, 2015 at 5:57 pm

      Please do – I love LiveJournal – it’s my spiritual home online 🙂

  4. EclecticBonVivant

    January 13, 2017 at 9:34 pm

    Where do all you amazing ideas come from – you amaze me with your creativity. Such tenderness and intimacy. And yes, tears in my eyes.

    • Teddy Raye

      January 14, 2017 at 9:46 am

      Thank you so much. I confess it’s been awhile since I wrote this, and read it just now and got a little choked up myself. As to where my ideas come from, that’s easy. While I am not religious in any way, I do believe in a spiritual plane, and on that plane is my spirit guide, my Muse, my soulmate, what have you. His name is Dahlra, and he has been with me for many lifetimes. He is the one who inspires me. When I try to write on my own, it’s a perfect hot mess.


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